One of the most special gifts in life is the bond between children and older generations. Whether it’s a grandparent, great-aunt, family friend, or a fond neighbour, these relationships offer children a unique mix of love, stability, and wisdom. Older relatives often provide stories that root children in their family history, model resilience, and give unconditional love. For many children, these relationships are among the cherished in their lives.
However, whilst the strength of these bonds brings comfort in life, it can make their absence feel even more difficult to bear but, as the late Queen Elizabeth II said so rightly in her 2001 message after 9/11, “Grief is the price we pay for love”.
When a grandparent or elderly loved one dies, a child is not only grieving the loss of a person, but also the sense of security and belonging that relationship brought. Because children are still developing their understanding of life and death, such a loss can feel frightening and confusing. For some, it may be their very first encounter with the loss of a loved one.
In this guide, we have drawn on the expertise of some of the UK’s leading bereavement specialists to help you support your child or young person through the loss of a grandparent or elderly relative.
Handled gently and honestly, children can learn to process grief and emerge more resilient with all their loving memories intact. But when adults avoid the topic, use confusing language, or unintentionally shut down children’s questions, it can leave young people feeling alone, anxious, or even guilty. Unresolved grief in childhood can surface later as emotional/behavioural struggles, or difficulty forming trust in relationships, so dealing with it at the time and in the right way will serve you well.
By supporting children through the loss of a grandparent or elderly loved one, we not only help them understand and manage the feelings of grief, but we also keep the strong intergenerational connections that shaped them.
The following ten pieces of expert advice has been hand selected by our care team to help families and caregivers find the right words, strategies, and reassurance so that children feel heard, held, and able to carry the love of their nanny or grandad forward.
Bringing together the UK’s leading experts
To ensure this guide is grounded in the best practice, we’ve drawn on the wisdom of some of the UK’s most experienced bereavement specialists and organisations. Each tip reflects years of professional insight into how children understand and process loss. We hope you find their guidance helpful when supporting a child through the death of a special person in their life.
Children need clear, age-appropriate explanations. Avoid euphemisms like “passed away” or “gone to sleep,” which can be confusing.
The UK’s first bereavement charity, Winston’s Wish explain “It’s better to use clear and direct language with children. Use the words ‘died’ and ‘dead’ rather than ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’ when telling them.”
The charity recommends being guided by your family’s own values and beliefs too if questions arise about what happens to them after death. If heaven is something you and your family believe in, it’s okay to explain it in those terms, but always alongside the concrete fact that the person has died;
“It’s important to be honest about what has happened to the person who has died, but you can also talk about what you believe happens after death. For example, you might say, ‘Grandma has died, which means her body has stopped working. Some people believe that when we die we go to heaven, and that’s what I believe.’”
Invite children to ask questions and listen without judgment. Their curiosity is part of processing grief, and repeated questions are normal.
“What can help a grieving child will be unique to your child and each child will cope with the death of someone in their own way. Time to talk, ask questions and build memories is important” says Child Bereavement UK.
Very young children typically repeat questions like:
You might choose respond with answers like:
Again, using the honest, clear language and avoiding confusing euphemisms like “we’ve lost her” will provide the reassurance and consistency they are seeking.
Invite children into the conversation with a follow-up like “What do you think?” or “Do you want to tell me how you’re feeling?”. Let them respond without interruption.
Let children know they are loved and supported. Avoid making promises about the future that you cannot keep.
Cruse Bereavement Support recommend “Don’t give false promises, but let them know they are loved and supported and that whatever happens someone will be there to look after them.”
Parents naturally want to shield their children from hurt, so it can feel hard to let them see you cry or feel upset. However, sharing your own emotions models healthy coping. Hiding feelings may inadvertently signal that grief should be suppressed.
“If you try to hide how you feel, a child might also feel like they aren’t able to talk and might suppress their feelings, which isn’t healthy.” say Cruse.
Whilst it can be reassuring for children to see that adults also feel sad and cry when someone has died, and that it is normal, it is important to follow this up with the fact that you will be ok. The best practice advice is to show your feelings, but also name them and reassure your child that even though you’re sad, they don’t need to be afraid, and they will continue to be cared for.
Stable routines like mealtimes, bedtime, and school can give children a sense of safety and normalcy during a period of loss. Winston’s Wish recommend:
“Provide routine and structure … Remember to prioritise their mental health and well‑being, and don’t hesitate to seek help if you need it.”
However, they also recommend balancing routine with flexibility. While familiar routines help children feel secure, it’s equally important to be flexible. Some children may need extra time, shorter school days, or space to step back when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Follow your child’s lead and take their personality and maturity into account. Maintaining structure should never mean forcing them into situations they aren’t ready for.
Children often communicate emotions through drawing, writing, or play. Support them in finding ways to express grief comfortably. Winston Wish professionals say “Encourage a child or young person to find healthy ways to express their emotions that feels comfortable to them. They might want to talk, write in a journal, make art, or spend time in nature.”
Participating in funerals, memorials, or farewell rituals can help children understand and accept the loss. Prepare them for what they might experience. However, this will depend on the child’s, maturity levels and wishes. We would never encourage forcing a child to do something they are not comfortable with or that is inappropriate for your family.
“It can help them understand the significance of what has happened… People might also be smiling or laughing when they remember happy times but that is OK too.” explains Winston’s Wish.
Remember, children do not have to attend a funeral to say goodbye. They may prefer to write a poem or just spend some time in a special place they shared.
Grief isn’t linear, it can come and go and differs from child to child. Encourage openness and allow them to experience emotions without pressure. “There is no ‘normal’ way to grieve” explain Cruse Bereavement Support
Don’t shy away from talking about the person who has died. Remembering them is an important part of grieving for children. Sharing stories and memories, looking at photos, drawing pictures or creating memory boxes helps children keep a continuing bond, rather than feeling like they must move on.
Support and Guidance for Children Dealing with Grief
Keep an eye out for any changes in behaviour or mood that may show a child is finding it hard to process their grief. Bereavement charities, counsellors, and support groups provide valuable guidance. Behaviour shifts will be unique to your child, and so is what can help them grieve. You know your child best, so if you are concerned, ask for help.
Here are some useful contacts to help get you started:
Winston’s Wish
Provides support and guidance for children and families dealing with grief.
Cruse Bereavement Support
Child Bereavement UK
Hope Again
Youth-focused service from Cruse Bereavement Support, providing peer support and information for young people.
The Compassionate Friends (UK)
Marie Curie
Hospice UK
Among these experts you’ll find a mix of practical guidance, emotional support, and specialist services, ensuring you find help suited to your individual needs.
At Aria Care, we see every day how beneficial connecting youths and seniors can be, and how deeply they enrich one another’s lives. When loss touches your family, taking time to talk openly, listen, and remember together helps children hold on to the love and lessons their grandparent or elderly relative shared. If you’d like to learn more, you can explore more resources and stories in our Knowledge Hub.
